Essays, Thoughts, and Ideas From a Mildly Retarded Perspective
K, So this page used to consist of "funny stories"...which in the end were not funny to anybody including myself. Well enough of that crap. Instead this is going to be a page for me to bitch about various things in my life. These are things I think about from time to time or things that piss me off, of just crap that I live with and my reaction. I don't know...this might be a little boring for some of you....probally most of you. That is unless your into this sort of thing....anyway enough blah blah blah....I think I will start with an essay that came up in conversation last night (1/8/03) as well as many times during this year.
Dating a Computer Geek and Having an Open Source Relationship...or At Least Trying to Understand What That Means
So the love of my life happens to be what some might call a "computer Geek", but what does that mean for me. I have never been computer savvy, no screw that, I have never been even barely computer literate. Well that is until about a little over two years ago when I started dating Michael. I knew he was a programmer but to me that meant computer programming was his job; in other words he goes to work makes a paycheck and comes home. HA! If only it were that simple. What I didn't know at that time when I said yes to dating a creature of this breed was that it was just that...a total breed of it's own. This wasnt just a college major, it wasnt just a career choice....no no no...this is a way of life. And yes, that may sound gay....if I didnt witness this day in and day out I would think so too. I love my boyfriend with all my heart but this was something I was never ready for, this was a part of his life I had to become accustomed to. So you are probally wondering what the hell the problem is....all couples have some different interests. But this isnt like him playing golf and me going clubbing (not that either one of us enjoys either one of those things).....this isnt like we split up every once and a while to enjoy our seperate interests. This was more like him having a child from a past relationship that I had to adopt as my own. A child that didnt even speak the same language as me. Yes, once again I am sure this sounds like a huge over reaction but unless you are, or have dated someone who is truley into this stuff it is hard to understand, impossible at that to understand. First off let me tell you what I tell most people when we have this conversation and that is I have never, and I mean NEVER, had to worry about Michael leaving me for another girl. In his perspective there are no other girls....I am not being all high and mighty about this I have tried to break down his wall...and let me tell you it dosnt budge. He loves me, he has made a commitment to me, and as far as he is concerned there really just arent any other girls on this planet. You wont catch him looking at another girls ass, or admiring an actress or model....to him they just dont exist. So where am I going with this? Well, see, I dont have to worry about other girls (and I am very grateful for that), there is one thing in his life that I have to fight for attention; and that is the computer....our desktop and the server. As sad as that may sound, it is true. When we started going out there was like this whole new language I had to learn. He would look at me while sitting on the computer with this glow in his eye, smile on his face, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth and say something like "This emulator is Fucking amazing".....so I would nod and smile and wonder for the next half hour what an emulator was....and what made it so god damn amazing. But eventually we became a little closer and I didnt feel so stupid asking questions like: Whats a LAN party? or What is a ROM? or how does Binary code work? And some of it would sink in and some of it would go right over my head but I learned quickly that it wasnt going away so I shouldnt be so afraid and instead try to understand some of it. And sometimes I would word my questions the wrong way and say stuff like "what the hell is that mess on the screen".....to which I would be shot a glance of pure shame and an explanation that "this is a unix program....and far from a mess....it is like water....we are built on it and that is how we survive". So there I began to understand that this was taken pretty seriously. So now I understood a few words, a few ideas, some basic information, and most of all that the computer and all it's glorious wonders were to be held in the highest of esteem. That is of course for one (well one major) thing.....and so came lesson number two: "Microsoft must die!" I was told that I need not know all the details of why but instead just stick to the simple concept. This is like the rule of rules in our house. From then on I was never allowed to whine about not being able to open Microsoft Works or any other "piece of shit" from that "disgusting, monopolizing, greedy, whore of a corporation". Which leads to rule number two "Linux is the Shit"....and yes I understand this because it is a simple concept. Linux is free. Thats right, free, and I was able to understand the concept of free, and so for me there really was no question of understanding anything other than Linux is free so Linux is what we use. I am ok with that...infact I support and defend that. No problems here just simple logic. Rule number three was also quite simple it pretty much was keep hands off server unless assisted in doing so. No sweat.....nothing on there I need...probally couldnt get in if I wanted. This rule has become a little more lienent now that I am learning....but I still understand it is his toy and I dont mess with it if I dont have to. The last thing I had to learn was the hardest...and from what I hear this is where most partners in computer geek relationships find their problems. Infact I have heard of it breaking relationships...or damaging them severly....so here is where I tread on thin ice. For a partner that hasnt had experience in this new computer world it is hard to understand why so much time and attention is spent there by their lover. Some people are into the computer role playing games, some into just other computer games, some into programming, some into illegal software, Some into web design, graphic design.....whatever. Point is no matter which particular geek like activity a person is into it does take time...and sometimes this means time from their relationship. Now I am not saying my boyfriend ignores me...or dosnt spend time with me....god no. And if that is the case in some situations then I dont condone it. But even with the large amount of time we spend together there were (and sometimes still are) times I find myslef jealous of the computer. Because when it comes down to it even though our relationship comes first...he still has a relationship with the computer. Which pretty much means having a three way relationship with an inanimate object that I now realize is not so inanimate at times. At first this was strange and like I said I was a little jealous. I soon realized I wasnt crazy for feeling this way when I found out many other girlfriends of these computer geeks felt this way. However I learned with time, not to be jealous, but instead to enjoy and learn from not just the relationship I had with my boyfriend but also his other baby, the computer. There were a few things that made me feel a little more close such as learning to write my own webpage, working with some of my art work on here, naming the computer so I felt like it was mine as well, and helping in making decisions regarding new hardware, software, etc. So in the end I am happy for the readjustment....and even if I really dont always understand the things he tries to teach me I love trying to learn. Who knows, maybe some day I will be L33t like Michael....if not I am happy to just see him enjoy something so much, and I will enjoy it to the best of my ability as well.
